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This is a lot like Aquarion's Usenet Tin Suggestions, but it applys to
NB, Some of these are pretty funny, others are potent flames.
I've added spaces in case some of you want to e-mail this to friends,
that was how I originally recieved it.
Useful expressions foir those high stress days
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Well, aren't we just a ray of f**king sunshine?
- Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
- Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
- Do I look like a f**king people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- . I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- . I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
- . You! Off my planet !!
- . Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
- . Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
- . I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes. (I'm sure rec.cats would
- . If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes
on my cat.
- . The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was
- . Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- . I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
- . Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- . Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
- . And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- . I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 5 years.
- . See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- . Allow me to introduce my selves.
- . Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- . Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
- . Better living through denial.
- . Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- . Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after
- . Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- . I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
- . Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- . I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- . I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- . A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- . Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
- . Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
- . Back off! You're standing in my aura.
- . I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
- . Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
- . How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
- . I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I
leave the house?
- . I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
- . It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
- . I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
- . You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
- . Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2
- . Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF**k you!
- . Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
- . Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
- . Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- . Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- . Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
- . Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- . Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.
- . A woman's favorite position is CEO.
- . Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
- . You look like shit. Is that the style now?
- . This is a mean, f**king cruel world & I want my nappy & medication
- . Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside
- . Earth is full. Go home.
- . Is it time for your medication or mine?
- . Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
- . Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you
- . I plead contemporary insanity.
- . And which dwarf are you?
- . I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
- . I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- . How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- . It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
- . I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- . I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
- . Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!! (I think that Beldin had a
ditty like this on his .sig)
- . When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
And one which is my favorite and seems to have fallen off the list:
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
(Thanks to Khelan for the post)