Evil Bookstores

On Thu, 29 Jul 1999 21:45:25 -0400, "Jessie"
 wrote:

>iain  wrote in message
>news:Xg4o3.9944$ts3.294234@nnrp4.clara.net...
>>
>> don't you work in a bookstore?
>
>Yes, one of the big evil corporate ones.

• All the whodunnits would have the last pages missing.
• All the series of books (you know "Parts 1,2,3... of the Mystic Elf saga", that sort of thing) would be missing the first, last and indeterminate middle volumes.
• No DNA books at all
• Shelves upon shelves upon shelves of John Grisham's book[1]
• The kiddies books would actually be mind controlling texts that turn children into the Hitler Youth.
• All of the cookery books would have recipes that are either toxic, explosive or completely impossible to perform.
• All the books are indexed A - Z by 2nd letter of 13th word on page 67.
• An undetermined number of random books will have their covers swapped around so that, for example, a Steven King cover might contain Enid Blyton content.
• The self-help books would be pathelogically dangerous ("If you're feeling stressed and tired at the end of a hard day, why not take a tepid bath with some added bleach and a plugged in toaster?")
• The free bookmarks given away with purchases dissolve when put in contact with paper and so lose the position that you're up to in the book.
• No paperbacks, only hardcover featuring lead lining for that extra weight and unease of use.
• None of the classification sections (travel, biographies, thrillers, etc) stay in the same position in the store from one week to the next.
• "You touch it, you bought it" policy.

[1] He's only ever written one (and even that's debatable), it just gets re-released every now and then with a different title.

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