Back to menu
Subject: Evil Bookstores
From: lwg@%dont_spam_me%.iname.com (Lloyd Gilbert)
On Thu, 29 Jul 1999 21:45:25 -0400, "Jessie"
>iain wrote in message
>> don't you work in a bookstore?
>Yes, one of the big evil corporate ones.
An evil bookstore. That's an intriguing idea (at least to me).
- All the whodunnits would have the last pages missing.
- All the series of books (you know "Parts 1,2,3... of the Mystic Elf
saga", that sort of thing) would be missing the first, last and
indeterminate middle volumes.
- No DNA books at all
- Shelves upon shelves upon shelves of John Grisham's book
- The kiddies books would actually be mind controlling texts that
turn children into the Hitler Youth.
- All of the cookery books would have recipes that are either toxic,
explosive or completely impossible to perform.
- All the books are indexed A - Z by 2nd letter of 13th word on page
- An undetermined number of random books will have their covers
swapped around so that, for example, a Steven King cover might contain
Enid Blyton content.
- The self-help books would be pathelogically dangerous ("If you're
feeling stressed and tired at the end of a hard day, why not take a
tepid bath with some added bleach and a plugged in toaster?")
- The free bookmarks given away with purchases dissolve when put in
contact with paper and so lose the position that you're up to in the
- No paperbacks, only hardcover featuring lead lining for that extra
weight and unease of use.
- None of the classification sections (travel, biographies,
thrillers, etc) stay in the same position in the store from one week
to the next.
- "You touch it, you bought it" policy.
 He's only ever written one (and even that's debatable), it just
gets re-released every now and then with a different title.
Moderators accept or reject articles based solely on the criteria posted
in the Frequently Asked Questions. Article content is the responsibility
of the submitter. Submit articles to email@example.com. To write to the
moderators, send mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.