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Subject: Re: Some lunacy from across the pond
From: Bob Goddard
Newsgroups: uk.rec.sheds

Martin Dixon rolled over, had a good scratch, belched loudly, then mumbled... > >> >> The only other option is the existence of God (probably). And if God >> exists, why are flatpack instructions so hard to understand. > >Praps she didn't write 'em. But are they easier to understand than other >sacred writings? >

And it came to pass that Pack A was delivered unto the Israelites. Yea, and Pack C also. Even unto the fittings thereof and the sachet of glue which passeth all understanding.

And the Israelites were sore afraid and smote their breasts and cried in a loud voice saying "Lord, thou hast delivered unto us the pack A which is a cubit in length and two hands in breadth and thou hast delivered unto us the pack C which containeth the lower shelves, even unto the fittings thereof and the sachet of glue that passeth all understanding, but we have searched all the lands of the Israelite peoples and found nor any pack marked B and we are sore afraid".

And the Lord saith unto them "Fear not, for is it not written in the Note Of Deliverance that Pack B is Temporarily Out Of Stock and will be delivered unto ye on The Second Coming?". And the scribes and pharisees did examine long the Note Of Deliverance and saw that it was so. And they spake unto the Lord saying thus: "Tell us, O Lord, when shall be the Second Coming so that we may prepare for it?". And the Lord sayeth unto them "It shall come to pass on a Thursday". And there was great rejoicing among the peoples of Israel. Even until the break of day, when the scribes and pharisees thought it might be a good idea to ask which Thursday. And the Lord answered them saying "It shall be next Thursday. Definitely. Promise". And to the next question of the scribes and pharisees he did say in a loud voice that he knoweth not at what hour the Deliverance would come about, for some things are beyond the wit of even the One True God Jehova. But it might be before noon. Though he wasn't making any promises about that, mind.

Aow there was living at that time in the land of Judea, even by the waters of Galilee, a carpenter. And his name was Joseph. And word came to Joseph of Nazareth that there was delivered unto the Israelites a piece of furniture like no other and that it cometh in three flat boxes the like of which no man had seen, even unto the fittings thereof and the sachet of glue that passeth all understanding (although one of the boxes hath not yet been delivered until next Thursday in the first part of the day). And he saith "Jesus! I must see this!". And his Son replieth "Oh yeah? What's so exciting about bloody furniture in a box, then? It's all so bloody /boring/..." - for He was of a certain age even if He was supposed to be a carpenter too. And Joseph saith unto Him "It may be furniture, Son, but not as we know it. I'm going to have a look at it. And You're coming too." And Jesus saith "Oh, /Daaad/...." as He was wont to do.

(To be continued...)


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